Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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