Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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