Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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