she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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