i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
