I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
