hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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