apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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