we're chasing vodka with high fives
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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