my sisters under your porch take her home
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
