i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
