My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
