Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
