I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
