I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
