it wasn't lemon gatorade
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
