i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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