I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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