i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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