I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
