your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
