If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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