idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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