I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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