Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
