Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
