Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
just come out here and I will go home with you...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
