why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
