Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
