i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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