dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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