I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
