just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
