dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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