He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
