I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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