he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
