i can't believe i had my finger in that
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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