Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
