it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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