You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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