She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
