every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
