Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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