My nipple is on Facebook.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
