I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
