I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
