we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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