so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
