You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
