woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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