Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
