It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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